It’s common for couples to squabble about how much sex they are having.
Sexpert Nadia Bokody revealed many come to her for advice on the problem.
The love guru, from Australia, told news.com.au: “If there’s one question that comes up most in my emails, it’s people asking me how to tell their partners they’re not satisfied in their sex life…
“I sense these people have the idea the sex won’t improve unless they give their spouse a critical rundown of everything they’ve been doing wrong – or not doing – in the bedroom. In convincing themselves of this, they assign immense amounts of negativity and stress to sex.
“The subject becomes something they either resentfully stifle discussion of, or eventually explode about during an argument.”
So how can you prevent constantly bickering about issues like differing sex drives?
Nadia cited research by Dr John Gottman of The Gottman Institute.
The doctor coined the term “perpetual problems”, which describes issues that constantly arise during relationships.
No matter how much you care about your partner, these are fundamental differences that can’t just be argued away.
But thankfully, there’s a way around the constant quarrels.
According to research, you can navigate through these tricky points of contention through communication.
The Gottman Institute blog explains: “By talking openly about sex, couples can build a thriving relationship inside and outside of the bedroom.”
As well as opening up healthy communication, it’s advisable to approach problems with positivity if you want the relationship to work out.
Nadia added: “And if your partner isn’t doing what you like in the sack, or doesn’t initiate sex as much as you want? You might stop the discussion from veering into an argument by focusing on the positives.
“Praise your significant other for what they’re getting right, instead of what they’re getting wrong. Switching antagonistic terms like ‘you always’ and ‘you never’ up for ‘I’d love it if we’ and ‘I really like it when you’ can also go a long way to ensuring the conversation remains positive.”
The other option is to “fight for” things you want in the relationship.
If your differences are too big and you are not feeling fulfilled with your partner, it could be time to move on.
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