Experts reveal why you get the ‘ick’ when dating someone – and what to do

Dating certainly isn’t for the faint-hearted with things often getting complicated.

One minute you are head over heels for someone you’re seeing, and the next moment you can’t stand to be around them.

Many people call this getting the ‘ick’ when they go off someone they were previously into.

But why does it happen? Well experts have now revealed what prompts people to get the ‘ick’ with their lover.

Lara Asprey, the founder of matchmaking organisation Asprey Introductions, said it’s out of our control.

Speaking to Independent, she said: “It all comes down to how we can form a preconceived notion of someone and establish in our psyche an identity before we know who they really are.

Many people call this getting the ‘ick’ when they go off someone they were previously into

“We, therefore, build people up before they have had the chance to prove themselves and then get wholly disappointed.”

Sally Sheldon, lead neuroscientist at brain training app Peak, also had her say.

She said she believes that the ‘ick’ is the manifestation of a person’s ‘inner critic’, which she says holds people back from being truly happy.

She said: “When you start to feel your relationship is heating up, your brain tries to protect you.

“When our minds circulate fearful, critical, judgemental thoughts, our brains release stress hormones, such as cortisol. Why? Because our brain doesn’t know the difference between an event that’s actually happening and one that we are imagining.

“Our survival response (fight, flight, or freeze) overrides our logical brains, putting our system on guard. We then convince ourselves that we’re going to get hurt by this person, and we convince ourselves we don’t like them anymore.”

Couple arguing
One expert said the ‘ick’ is out of our control

While some experts believe that we can overcome the ‘ick’, Lara isn’t so confident, claiming that it’s impossible to change.

She added: “If you find yourself relating to this and developing ‘the ick’ then it’s almost certain your ‘situationship’ will only go in one direction.”

Lara says you need to ask yourself if you are referring to an idealised image of what you want.

How we respond to the ‘ick’ is all on us, says Dr Becky Spelman, a psychologist and clinical director of Private Therapy Clinic.

She says that it’s vital a person takes responsibility for what they choose to do when they start to go off their new flame.

Dr Becky says that even though you may suddenly be struggling with feelings of revulsion towards them, they are still the same person you were attracted to until recently.

She says you shouldn’t consciously or unconsciously attempt to place the blame for your subjective feelings of revulsion on their shoulders.

The comments come after one woman on the hunt for her perfect man had a shock as she used dating app Hinge.

The app suggested her ‘most-compatible’ match – but she was horrified when she saw it was her brother.

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