‘Curious’ woman turns kinky dominatrix after delving into world of BDSM


World-renowned author and sexologist Valerie Tasso has opened up about how she got into the world of BDSM and kinky sex.

The sexpert spoke to the Daily Star in celebration of her latest book about BSDM – Kinky sex and BDSM for beginners.

Valerie has been interested in bondage since 2004, when she started to think about writing a book about “erotic minorities” – e.g. all of the erotics which aren’t conventional.

She revealed: “I’m a very curious person, like to speak from my own experience, and I like to experiment as far as my sexuality is concerned.

“So I got in touch with some BDSM clubs in Barcelona and I made a lot of friends, mostly women who were dominant.

“I went with one of them to a BDSM club in Prague – Other World Kingdom. For me it was incredible, it was an amazing experience.”



The sexpert began writing about BDSM back in 2004

Valerie only took notes and didn’t participate at first as she felt like a “newbie”, however she said that soon changed.

She continued: “I started to play myself. I came back to Other World Kingdom as a dominatrix and started to play with my own partner.

“He was a bit annoyed at the beginning – he asked me if I wanted to do it for my book or because I liked it. I said both!”

“I published a book not only about BDSM, but about other erotic practices too and it had a lot of success.”

After exploring different kinks, Valerie says she began practicing bondage with her partner and having a “wonderful time”.



Sexologist Valerie Tass
She started visiting BDSM clubs and got into the scene



Sexy couple at night in bed, woman has lace eye cover
Valerie says she began practicing BDSM and kinky sex with her partner

However, although she was enjoying being dominant, she admitted she wanted to see what it was like to be submissive too.

She explained: “I’m a strong woman, I have a lot of character so I thought I have to be dominant.

“But then I thought that’s actually got nothing to do with being strong and a feminist.

“I was fed up with this myth around female sexuality and realised I could still be a feminist and strong if I’m a sub.

“I wanted to try it and realised it was my kind of erotic.”



Sexologist Valerie Tass
She was enjoying being dominant, but wanted to see what it was like to be submissive too

Talking more about being a sub, Valerie added: “My experience as a sub has been wonderful.

“I’m a typical woman who needs to control everything – both work and at home and I feel very responsible. We live in a society which asks me to be responsible.

“So I didn’t have opportunity to let go and lose control. But when I discovered submission, it was like a relief.”

Valerie admitted it’s “not easy” to lose control though as a submissive, saying you have to learn how to do it.

She explained: “You need to surrender control. In day-to-day live you don’t have many occasions where you do that.”



BDSM concept. A woman in a leather dress holds a black whip with a long fringe
Valerie says you have to trust someone to do BDSM with them

Valerie added: “You also have to trust someone and feel a strong emotional bond.

“Submission can result in an intense sexual arousal though. It’s fear, but in a controlled way, which can increase desire.

“You have to find the right person to practice it with, though.”

Want to read more about bontage?

Valerie’s gave those who want to try BDSM a number of helpful beginners tips last month.

Valerie says BDSM, which stands for Bondage Discipline Domination Submission- Sadomasochism, is all about communication, confidence and consent.

She said: “As we know, communication is key in any sexual interaction, but this is even more true when it comes to new experiences.

“You should always speak with your play partner about what you do and don’t feel comfortable with in this type of play.”

The expert also recommended setting boundaries by making a list with certain games and answer ‘Yes’, ‘No’ or ‘Maybe’. She said you can then use this list to see where both of your desires meet.

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